Tuesday at 2 am
It was just after 2 am on a Tuesday morning, at a regular meeting of our Board of Directors. It was the norm that I had been at work since 8 am the previous morning, now waiting to talk to the Board about confidential negotiations, making recommendations for decisions that would cost the company millions, while the Board members and I were exhausted. I would be in the office again in less than seven hours, for our Tuesday, 9 am senior leadership meeting. I’d been doing this for nine years, and it never occurred to me how unreasonable it was. This particular night was different, though.
A new CEO had been appointed a couple months prior, and he and I were like oil and water in terms of work style. He wanted to weigh in on each step of our internal processes and projects, and I usually (okay, always) needed the pressure of a deadline to produce the work. The CEO was always happy with my ultimate outcome, but my process to get there made him very uncomfortable and frustrated.
That night, a board member asked me an unexpected question at the meeting. Tired, stressed, everyone looking at me, I couldn’t answer. I knew I knew the answer, but literally nothing came to mind at that moment. As I stumbled through the rest of my presentation, I had this very clear recognition that I would need to leave this job. And two days later, the CEO asked me to resign, saying that it just wasn’t working.
He was right, but in reality, it hadn’t been working for years. My job felt all-consuming, and it seemed we went from one emergency to the next, day after day. I worked at least 60 hours a week. I had almost no personal life outside of work. I rarely dated, and I had lost many of my friends, just from never having time to talk or spend time together. My relationships with my family were strained, and my sister pointed out that when she asked how I was, my reply was always, “work is crazy.” Without noticing, I had given up the volunteer work I used to love, and let go of the hobbies I used to enjoy. All of my time at the office meant I also gave up exercising and cooking for myself, meaning that my health suffered as well. In the middle of this, I truly didn’t see what my life had become, and how burned out I was.
Burnout is a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion caused by chronic stress, often related to work demands, expectations and pressures. It can affect anyone who feels overwhelmed, underappreciated or unsupported.
Burnout can have serious consequences for your health, happiness and performance. You may feel tired, irritable, anxious or depressed. You may lose interest and motivation in things that used to bring you joy. You may get headaches or have insomnia, or find you get sick more often. You may feel detached or isolated from your family, friends or colleagues. You may struggle to balance your work and personal life, finding that work always seems to win out. Burnout can have a negative impact on your work performance and the quality of the work you’re capable of. You may make errors, miss deadlines, or find yourself in conflict with your coworkers. You may feel trapped, hopeless and helpless.
For many of us who care deeply about our work, burnout is a risk. Whether you’re looking for ways to ensure your life stays in balance and you stay out of burnout, or you’re there already and looking for help, the prevention and the solution are the same:
Identify stressors that you can influence or eliminate. For example, you might take the time to prioritize work projects and shuffle resources, or you might decide to pay a neighbor kid to take your trash cans out every week if you regularly beat yourself up for forgetting it’s trash day.
Set healthy boundaries and expectations for yourself. Say no to requests for your time or effort when you can. For example, you may want to decline a request to organize a bake sale for the neighbor’s kid’s pickleball team if it won’t bring you joy and fulfillment. Ask for help when you need it, and let go of the idea that you can do it all yourself.
Use your time and energy wisely. Prioritize things that are essential, important and/or urgent. In the moment, it may feel like an escape from work stress to binge-watch reality tv, but it probably won’t bring your life into greater balance. Delegate or outsource when it makes sense to do so. Take breaks if you feel overwhelmed, or tackle the tasks in more manageable chunks.
Take care of yourself and your wellness. Ensure your physical, mental and emotional needs are met consistently. Eat, sleep and exercise in the way that best serves your body, and participate in hobbies or activities that recharge or inspire you.
Lean into positive relationships and social support systems. Family members, friends, mentors or the members of groups you’re part of likely understand and can support you. Seek professional counseling or coaching for more in-depth help.
Remember the real you. Rediscover your passions and talents. Celebrate your successes. Hold a clear vision of the balanced life you want.
Years later, my life feels completely different, but it took help to get here. Help from a counselor, mentors and a coach who sees me better than I see myself. It still comes up now and then. When I started my own business, for example, I realized that I had unconscious beliefs that I could only be successful if I worked as many hours as I used to, or that I could only be productive if I had an external deadline imposed on me. Just last year I discovered that I believed deep down that work would always be the vast majority of my life, with only slivers of leftover moments for a personal life. I’ve now adopted the philosophy that work is just a small part, important and rewarding, but not more important than health, family and my contributions to the world overall. And I haven’t been to a single 2 am meeting in years.
If you’d like to feel more successful and at ease at work, whether you’re feeling burnedout or not, schedule a complimentary first session. I’d love to talk.